Phrases not found on Google

Taken from an XKCD comic idea, this documents several phrases that, as of this time of writing, turn up no results on Google. Naturally, now that they are documented on this blog, they will all return at least one result, but given the growth predictions I have for this blog, I suspect that will be it. Feel free to check on your own.

Here they are:

"I learned Klingon to impress my girlfriend" (though to be fair, even "French" and "Italian" don't)

"I have seven PS3s" (any value between "two" and "six" returns results)

"Is a quadruple orgasm healthy" (which surprises me -- I would have figured someone would have asked this question satirically on Yahoo! Answers by now)

"ARIA made me depressed" (replacing "ARIA" with "Avatar" returns over 10,000 results)

"There aren't enough Touhou characters" (there is one result claiming the contrary, that "there are too many...")

"I wish poop tasted better" (other terms for "poop" do return results though)
"Coffee cured my cancer" (neither does "coffee enemas cured my cancer")

Some things that do return results:

"make the Wii remote function as a dildo"

"plants are people too"

"should I eat my children" (although the result contains the caveat that the topic with that title was deleted)

and incidentally, "my bladder is half full" returns far more results than "my bladder is half empty"