Wednesday, April 24, 2013

In which I envision a much better rap interlude for Brad Paisley's "Accidental Racist"

[Because everything about this song has already been said, so the only way to make any further commentary on it worthwhile is to make it in the form of the song itself]

Dear Mr. Paisley
I sure don't understand
Why you think you'd honor Skynyrd
With a song that sounds so bland

Now I'm also a musician and
I think it's really wrong
To pad 30 second worth of point
In 6 minutes of song

I don't think you'd wear someone's skin
Like a tauntaun in Empire
But I'm astounded that you asked Cool James
To bend down and call you sire

And as long as I'm on Star Wars
At least no-one's compared with Wookies
But, what, you don't lynch anyone?
Here's Chris Rock with a cookie!

I mean, I've lived in West Virginia
And in Alabama too
And I'm not going to pretend
There's not worse off than you

But that's a lousy standard
Saying you're not like the worst
And I don't buy that what to do
Is forgetting the past, first

I believe you would not make the case
We'll be better overnight
But have you seen those recent moves
To steal black folks' voting rights?

There are times I see the south
Places like Montgomery
And many things I read about
Resemble '30s Germany

I should hope that you would know
What happened 'round that time
Systematic executions
And a whole bunch of war crimes

This sure sounds a whole lot grimmer
Than your morning cup of joe
But the US in the 60s
...Dude, have ya heard of that Jim Crow?

I mean a lot of people out there know
Folks who grew up back then
And this flag's one racists swaddle in
And I don't want it like back then

And the guy serving you coffee?
I bet he feels the same as I
Which is why that slave state flag
Is something he just won't let fly

You say 'accidental racist'
And I believe you have no clue!
But you've managed double platinum
Which most guys don't get to do

The creative freedom that you have
That lets a song like your exist
Is a part of our society
That leaves so many pissed

We can consider Sister Soulja
Said some things I think were wrong
But her career was over then
Maybe you'll outlast this song

Your freedom to be stupid
And to screw up so, so bad
Is a thing a lot of people
Really wish that they all had

Have you heard of Trayvon Martin?
That's a guy who wasn't blessed
With any chances to explain
That he was more than how he dressed

(And that's more than just some gold chains
Or even, hell, some locks with dreads
That he isn't held in slavery
Is cold comfort since he's dead)

And I think you might consider
There are those among your ranks
Who disagree reflexively
With Blacks and Dems and Yanks

So I have a funny feeling
That some racists fans will use
Your song as justification
To ignore a Black guy's views

They have a way of doing that
To everything they'll read
I mean, they've abused the Bible
To excuse their awful greed

There is little way to frame this
In a way so you look good
It was the active work of white folk
That created all those hoods

And if your song is what you think
Will settle all those scores
Well, you can't demand forgiveness
When they still remain so poor

Now all of this is not to say
All Blacks are desititute
Or are trapped inside the ghetto
Or wear gold chains and sweatsuits

(Which by the way is not a thing
Your song makes very clear
It panders with a stereotype
White racists like to fear)

I think there's yet more history
You've not learned or did forget
In fact this poor attempt at outreach
Recalls one Antionette

Starbucks? Are you kidding me?
We've gone from "I have a dream"
To "Do Black folks all want welfare?
Let's give them coffee with cream!"

You say we can't rewrite the past
But that's just what you've done
When you call it a Skynyrd flag
Not one of slavery and guns

But maybe I misjudge you
And you know that this is wrong
And you've been exploiting outrage
To get more to hear this song

Cuz if it was on the radio
While I was off to work
I'd have switch it off because
It's a song for racist jerks

So I warn you for the next time
You use this method to make bank
Whatever career you still can claim
Will end up in the tank

Everything that you have done
Will all blow up in smoke
Because with this single song
You're now an awful joke

I'll put on some Drive-By Truckers
You should play them as well
Because if you play to assholes
Then you'll just end up in hell

And if you think a song like this
Will save your pasty hide
The devil's too a southerner
With that same warped southern pride

And for the record if that move
Is really what you meant
Then it's clear that your racist song
Sure is no accident

I know that our society
Is nowhere near post-race
But you'll have no credibility
If you don't shape up post-haste

Sure you may not eat from places
That display WHITES ONLY signs
But next time get a counterpoint
From someone with a spine

[It was not even a week ago
We laid misplaced anger at the feet of Czechs
But perhaps our pattern of behavior is wrong
And we should be angry at Paisleys instead]

[No, that last bit is awful. We already have 'Garden Salad Diplomacy', we don't need 'Joanne Fabrics Race and Ethnic Relations'.]

1 comment:

  1. I'm just whiiiiite fuuuuck
    From the south but withouuuut a truuuck
    Trying to understand how to make a rap that just doesn't suuuuuuck

    I'm not proud of yourrr soooong
    Which goes on for waaaaaay too looong
    And it ain't like I can go along can get it much more wrong